When I am nauseous, I quickly turn away when I see other people swallow sweetness that makes my stomach turn around. Instantly I banish all food-related thoughts and images from my mind.
When I am apathetic, I cannot help it but stare obsessively at all those people around me that are energetically doing an amazing amount of activities. And instantly I start thinking about all the things I could be doing. Differently put: I dive straight into that mental pile of pastry and devour everything I encounter.
Causing my apathy to peak!
And so, while I lay nauseous and apathetic in bed with a stomach flu, I watch precious time slip through my fingers.
But let’s be realistic: What could I actually be doing?
The groceries, the dishes, the laundry… a wave of nausea overwhelms me.
Thus I rephrase my question: What would I like to be doing?
Swimming comes to my mind, walking in a huge, sunny garden, reading an extremely good book, writing without knowing where it will lead to. Yes, all activities I would definitely get out of bed for weren’t I that lethargic.
Suddenly the wind which has been howling around the flat already the whole day – apparently convinced it finds itself on a stormy sea – blows the bedroom window open and the long white curtain in front of it billows outwards as an antique ghost (the curtain is antique) and slides to the side – making even a squeaking sound.
There, on the other side of the window stands a tall, dark green pine (a rare view from a Roman window). Slowly it bows towards me with long trembling branches and pointing green fingers and shakes: No. no.
No? (Those trees you never know what they want, but they are definitely up to something).
The sky is stormy black and a crow lands in the pine’s crown, two little brown birds drop out of the sky as crashing rockets. I look at my cat and she looks back with sparkling green eyes. Pretty spectacular.
Not that bad for an apathetic day!
Then the apotheosis: The sun breaks through the dramatically dark sky and yes a rainbow shows up between the pine and the curtain. Enthusiastically I sit-up straight and start making energetically pictures – which do not at all capture what I am experiencing, but that is another story…
1) Tamorlan (Own work) [CC BY 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons, url
2) Rembrandt (www.garyschwartzarthistorian.nl) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons, url
3) George Cruikshank [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons, url
4) Beyond the Frontier, CC-BY-2.0
5) Francisco Goya [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons, url
6 ) Beyond the Frontier, CC-BY-2.0