When a new baby is born, I am always incredibly – excuses for this and other upcoming superlatives – curious to know its name.
The excitement I feel between asking “What is its name?” and the answer is immense … as if I am about to become enlightened and hear the perfect name, the perfect match.
The answers are almost always disappointing.
Rarely do I hear a name that gives me the sensation of coming close and if this does happen, it is only momentary: When I repeat the name to myself a day later, the sparkle of magic in it has already flown off.
I have a similar experience when I read a story or a novel. I can be extremely enthusiastic about it, but there is again also the disappointment: He almost got there, almost, but in the end he just, just, couldn’t catch it in its perfect entirety – as if somehow, somewhere the most perfect versions of stories and novels already fly around, as a sort of divine templates.
It also happens the other way around. I can look at the sea and know it is the most amazing image ever. It is there in front of me, completely at my disposal, but my abilities are simply too limited to experience it completely: I literally bump into my own sensory walls while I am looking at it – the biggest part of what I would like to see finds itself on the other side.
In the same way I often poke into a sort of ceiling inside my head when I am trying to understand something I don’t, from a mathematical equation to the infinity of the universe. In those cases I just know the answers exist, but they are simply not within my reach, they find themselves on that impenetrable attic halfway my head or probably more likely in that space above it.
Extremely frustrating moments.
Maybe I would have preferred to not have known about the answers on the other side of the ceiling and the universe beyond my sensory walls where divine stories and perfect names fly happily around as butterflies.
Although some days I still secretly hope that one day I will crack all the codes and I will be able to take off into that magic realm where everything is experienceable in its perfect entirety.
If this does happen, I really hope it will within the next two months, since I am already seven months pregnant and I am desperately looking for the perfect name!
(1) Ida Waugh (d. 1919) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons, url
(2) Kobayashi Kiyochika (Japan, 1847-1915) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons, url
(3) Nevit Dilmen [CC BY-SA 3.0 or GFDL], via Wikimedia Commons, url
(4) muffinn from Worcester, UK (Sagres – rough seas) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons, url
(5) Tura8 [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons, url
(6) HB (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons, url
(7) Anton Ebert [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons, url